From Mom 9/7

Dear Family,

Sorry I’m a day late getting this letter written. Last night I just didn’t have any more energy. I guess that one more year of age caught up to me. Thank you for the birthday greetings, letters and pictures. It’s nice to be remembered on those special days-----even when sometimes I’d just like to forget how many birthdays I’ve had. My birthday was on P-day so it was a bit more relaxing even if we did have a teaching appointment and then an English class and Institute class in the evening. We got our usual household chores done and then went for a long walk up above the grape vineyards. It will soon be time to harvest the grapes and it was interesting to see the big clusters of grapes hanging on the vines. They harvest them by hand and usually have crews of people that come from Poland to help in the harvest. They just go through and cut of the clumps of grapes and put them in a container they carry on their back and then carry them to a larger container that is picked up by some kind of truck. There are vineyards everywhere you look and some of them are on really steep hills. It will be interesting to see how long the harvest takes. I had to snitch a couple of grapes just to see how they tasted. They are a lot like the green grapes we eat but with seeds in them. There are different kinds of grapes for the different kinds of wine they make. Most of the ones we saw were green grapes but there are areas where there were red ones and there are areas where they have grapes for the really expensive wine. Knowing the difference is something I’ll never have to worry about.

Dad made a delicious carrot cake, from scratch, and we took it to our institute class. The young people always love refreshments. It was such a fun class. This is the Eternal Marriage class and they are really into talking about how you know when the right person comes along and what is true love and talking about the differences between men and women. I told Dad it would take more than one class time to talk about the differences!! But we have fun with them and they really want to do what is right After class they all sang “Happy Birthday” to me and then we had cake and just sat and talked for most of another hour.

This has been kind of a “different week” again. People are getting the last week of vacation from school in and are hard to find at home. We’ve had some cancellations of appointments and people not being there when an appointment was made. I don’t think you ever get used to that regardless of how long you’ve been on a mission. Well, at least it’s always frustrating to me. Some days Dad and I feel like marriage counselors. Satan is really doing a number on trying to destroy families by causing contention between husbands and wives. We’ve been instructed to refer these people to the bishop and that’s what we try to do but it seems like they just need to unload and we’re the ones there to listen. People seem to have the attitude that when problems come, it’s time to get out rather than try to work things out. How thankful we are for what the gospel teaches us about forgiveness and also about how we treat other people. That always seems to be at the root of most of the problems----putting our own wants and needs above those of our companion. Communication is also a real problem. Most German people are pretty private when it comes to sharing their feelings and that can be a source of trouble when one companion doesn’t know what the other one is thinking or feeling. In our Eternal Marriage institute class it emphasizes time and time again that a good marriage requires effort, work, to forgive and forget, absolute loyalty and lots of prayer. When some of these things are left out, troubles come and as I said before, most people would rather just bail out that try to work it out. Well, there is my little “lecture” for the day. Sorry about that.

Probably the most spiritual experience we had this past week was with the wife of one of these troubled marriages. This is the woman that I mentioned several months ago who called and asked us to come over and when we got there she told us the reason she asked us to come over was to tell us that she didn’t want us to come over any more. Than a few weeks later she ended up on the hospital and her sister who lives in Salt Lake called early one morning and asked if we would go see her. All she knew was where she was and it was in a town about an hours drive from here. But we went, feeling a little uneasy how she would respond to our visit because of what she had told us before. But that seemed to be the turning point in our relationship with her as she threw her arms around us when she saw us. Dad gave her a blessing at that time. She had been hospitalized for severe depression. Since then she has had some therapy and is back working full time. They have no children but this summer a niece and nephew came for a month long visit and the day before they were to fly back home to Salt Lake, her sister called and asked if they would consider keeping the 9 year old niece. This is something they have wanted to do because of the abusive home this girl lives in but it came with such short notice and the adjustment has caused more than just a few problems. We’ve been working with this couple ever since we got here. They aren’t very active, part of the reason being that she works most Sundays but when he comes to church, he is very friendly and participates. She has been very critical of church and at one time told us she wanted to be on the inactive list. She called on Monday and asked if we could come over. We went and she really unloaded her feelings. There are some real problems in their marriage. There is very little communication. She is from Peru and doesn’t speak very good German and her husband always puts her down for this and has made her feel like a “lower class” citizen because she comes from a very poor family. She sends a lot of the money she makes to her family. She also told us that he had hit her in the head and it required stitches but he would not take her to the hospital so she got on a bus in the dead of winter and went to the hospital alone. She didn’t tell them what had happened but she hasn’t forgotten. Then she found out he was drinking some and that was very difficult for her. Her problem with the church is her husband. She says that when they go to church, he is so friendly and nice to everyone and then when she sees how he treats her and what he is doing it just causes a lot of confusion in her feelings. I think it’s called being a hypocrite. Anyway when he left to go back to work (he works out of town all week), she told him to not bother to come back. She was beside herself and was crying and totally distraught. I asked her if she would like a blessing of comfort and she said yes. Dad gave her a blessing and when he finished, she just sat with her head bowed and her arms folded for several minutes and then she said, “I feel like I’ve come home. I feel like I did when I first came into the church and loved it so much.” Her husband’s behavior has just totally confused her and she has been striking out against the church because of the way he has been acting when he professes to be a good member. She is willing to talk with the bishop and wants it to be with both of them. That is a sign of progress. She hasn’t been willing to accept this kind of help before. We don’t know what is going to happen. We will try to help too. It breaks our hearts to see such a good family have these kinds of problems. When she said, “I feel like I’ve come home”, we felt like now she was ready to accept help from our Heavenly Father too and that she does recognize that as a source of help and comfort. It was a heart tugging experience but also a very spiritual experience for us, something we’ve hoped to hear from her for several months.

The Elders are having a baptism next Saturday. This is another really nice person. She told one of the members on Sunday that she was doing some decorating in her home and was rearranging furniture (changing rooms) and needed to do some painting. This member asked her if she would like some help and she accepted. When she told her husband that people from the church were coming to help her, he said, “Yea, they say they will come, but they won’t. Don’t plan on it.” There were 6 of us there and we had the painting done and a lot of things put back in order in about 3 hours. She took pictures so she could show her husband. She and I had a chance to talk while we were working in one of the rooms and she said she has never been as happy as she has been since she has learned about the gospel and that she loves to come to church and the feeling that is there. She is just a happy person. You can see it in her face and especially in her eyes. She said her mother isn’t very happy about her decision to join the church and the she has an aunt who is a Jehovah Witness and another aunt who is into Scientology who are really against the decision she has made but she told them they can believe how they want to believe but this is what she knows to be true and believes. She doesn’t own a dress. Dad and I talked and want to take her to buy a dress. I mentioned it to her when we were there and she seemed very happy and grateful for that. I told her that we wanted to do something special for her baptism. She is just an awesome person with such a good spirit about her. It’s just as exciting to see people who the Elders are teaching come into the church as the ones we are teaching-----well, almost.

I hope this letter makes some kind of sense. I feel like I’ve kind of rambled. As I said, this has been kind of a different week. We haven’t had a lot of meetings with people but have spent a lot of time with just a few people. We took the Elders to an appointment they had that was quite far out----45 minutes by bike. It was raining so we took them and when they got there, the mother of this young man they had been meeting with met them at the door with the Book of Mormon they had given him and said not to come back. They weren’t sure if it was the mother’s idea or the young man’s idea. They came back to the car “bummed” but will try to call the young man again. They said he had seemed so positive and receptive to their teaching. All goes with being a missionary.

Thanks again for thinking of you “old” mother. I look forward to spending my next birthday at home. Last year we went to Cathy’s from the MTC and had a fun time with their family. How very thankful I am for each one of you. You are my life---OUR life. We are thankful that we’ve come on this mission but nothing will take the place of family.

Have a good week. We’ll be anxious to see how all the football games come out. I’m thankful for the internet and that we have access to that kind of important news.

Much love always, Mom

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